Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
