You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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