I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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