So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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