Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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