The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
