i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
