An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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