It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize