she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
