did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The feeling are messing with the penis
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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