all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
