I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
