When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
