I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Farmville is her only friend.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
