I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
