she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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