What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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