You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
