Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
