Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
