yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize