I CAN MOONWALK!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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