do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
