he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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