im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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