A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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