Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
