is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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