my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
