So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
