i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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