I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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