I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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