No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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