I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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