he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
