Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
