they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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