the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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