Its about making memories worth repressing
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
