Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
