His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we're making bets on your personal life
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
