Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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