I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
