There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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