Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
