What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize