I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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