I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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