Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
