I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
