A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
