textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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