I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
