we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
