i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
