I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
