You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
