when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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