if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
