'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
