Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We are all done wearing pants today
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
