tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
