at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
