So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
