Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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