stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
