Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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