Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize