They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
