playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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