my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
