Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize