Walk of Shame. In a state park.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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