I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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