I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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