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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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