what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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