It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
