No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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