I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
