when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
