so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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