so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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