Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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