I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
