Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
