No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
