according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
