Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
