Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
