No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize
