Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
