I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
