it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
