I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize