I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize