Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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