i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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