he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
