I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Randomize
