All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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