Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize