Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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