I want to have your abortion
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
