btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
