my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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