I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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