I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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