i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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