I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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