Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
