oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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