the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
